Well, I’ve done it again. I’ve over committed, over emphasized and become overly concerned with my kids’ birthday party. Because their birthdays fall within a few weeks of each other and because they’re still young enough to think sharing a party is cool, we’re all going to enjoy the festivities together.

But as I check my emails to see who has RSVPed, searched for just the right cake design and bugged my husband with constant questions and ideas about the party, I’ve realized that this doesn’t fit into the simplified life. Would my kids have cared if we had foregone the party and celebrated quietly as a family? Probably not. Sure there would have been the initial wails, but those would have quickly passed. I’m sure we could have come up with something just a fun with less emotional suffering for mom.

This begs the question: What is this urge in American parents to provide a Disney World experience to our children on their birthdays? Do we really believe that we’ll scar little Timmy if he doesn’t have the ultimate birthday party every year? If we stop long enough to think about it, then no, we don’t really believe that, but in the heat and rapture of the moment, that’s how we act.

Sadly, I started this birthday bash planning with more realistic expectations. I had planned a nice home party with cake, games and even a piñata. That evolved into a backyard jump house which then turned into a Chuck E. Cheese mardi gras. Crazy!

I think of friends who have walked this path before me and realize I need to learn from them. Here’s what some of them do:

• One friend plans special parties for special years. So, her children (and she has five of them) receive a party at age 5 (1^st year of school), 13 (welcome to the teens) and 16 (oh so sweet). The other years, her family celebrates at home with one or two friends.
• Another friend gives her children a choice: a party or the money they would spend on a party. Being the savvy children they are, they usually run with the cash.
• Another keeps the guest list to a small 2-3 close friends–no blanket invites to their entire class, Sunday school, preschool or neighborhood.

If you’re planning a party for your little one, please learn from my mistakes. Keep it simple. Keep it fun, and keep it memorable (and that doesn’t have to include a trip to Disney World or the excitement-filled equivalent).

How about you? Do you have tips for keeping your child’s birthday party simple? I’d love to hear about it. As you can tell, I need all the help I can get!

When Chris and I finally decided to simplify our lives and even start this website, the idea seemed revolutionary, but as I stop and consider the steps that brought us here, I realize that we’ve been working our way toward a simpler life for years. Maybe it was when we had our first child and realized that time was not abundant. Each day seemed to slip quickly into the next.

Maybe it was when we upgraded our house only to find that cleaning it was a chore that I didn’t enjoy. Nor did I enjoy the constant sense of it not being done, the idea that somehow every inch of it needed to be improved-drapery treatments, artwork, wood flooring, crown molding, covered patio, swimming pool. The list of things that we talked about adding grew faster than our bank account. It left us feeling constantly behind. Behind what? I don’t know, but I soon learned that I needed to curb my fascination with home improvement shows because they made me constantly think about what needed to change.

There was also the satisfaction that came with paying off our car. That was nice. Did we look longingly at new cars and dream of owning one? Yes. Was the dream enough to make us get back into car debt? Nooooo. I enjoy my reliable, slightly dinged car, and enjoying that car, with its cracked windshield and torn armrest has made me appreciate things that are good enough-maybe not top of the line, but paid for and mine.

These gradual realizations have brought us to our current state of getting rid of stuff and deciding what we truly love and can’t live without. And with each realization, each stage of simplifying, we’re getting closer to realizing our dream. I can feel it.

What has inspired you to become a Suburbia Rebel? Was it having a child and dreaming of being at home with your baby? Was it a desire to avoid rush hour traffic and wear your bunny slippers to work? Was it the dream of jumping off the corporate ladder and pursing that thing that inspires you? Whatever the catalyst, please share. We want to hear from you. I want to hear from you. True stories inspire, and your story could help the rest of us on our journeys toward simplifying our lives.

Husband and Wife

It’s been interesting to realize that Chris and I approach simplifying our lives differently. It’s obviously a difference in men and women. I am drawn to the emotional simplification, a life that would be more peaceful, more restful, more adventurous. I think of the places we could visit and the place we would eventually call home. I think of the time that we could spend with our children, enjoying each other’s company and enjoying new hobbies like hiking and camping. That’s what inspires me.

Chris, on the other hand, thinks of being debt free, living below our means so that we can begin saving for our children’s college education and being able to invest more in our retirement accounts. He thinks of the money we’ll save and the time that will be freed up because we won’t have to spend every free moment (and dime) maintaining our home and all the stuff that fills it.

These approaches are different, but not necessarily in competition with one another. God obviously designed men and women differently. Generally, women are relational and emotional; men are tangible and logical. Chris’ and my desires definitely illustrate that, but they don’t have to work against each other. In fact, they can strengthen each other. That’s exciting! I’ll definitely enjoy being debt free. I’ll love knowing that our money is working for us, and I’m sure Chris will be enriched by the memories that we’ll create along the way.

What about you and your significant other? What does a simplified life mean to each of you? The conversations that this topic can start are amazing. For us, they weren’t quick 5-minute chats in between “Pass the salad,” and “Does this need more salt.” Rather, these were in-depth discussions that occurred over several months, even years. They’ve drawn us closer. We see ourselves as a team, working toward a common goal. He helps me; I help him.

I’d love to hear from other couples on what these conversations have meant. I’m sure I’ll learn from you and hopefully, you’ll learn from us too. Together, we can all enjoy the journey toward simplifying our lives!

My Trashed Nail Polish

It’s amazing to realize just how much I collect. I gave myself a pedicure the other day and when I opened my bag of nail polishes, I had to sift through bottles and bottles before finding the color I wanted. Many of the shades I’ve owned since college. Let’s just say they’re more than a decade old. What’s worse is that I know several of the shades are goopy, but for some reason I still keep them, as though magically, I’m going to open one and find that it has reinvented itself as a brand new bottle. I thought about cleaning out the polish bag and had that strange tingling sensation that comes whenever I contemplate getting rid of things that I’ve had for a long time. I quickly zipped the bag shut and placed it back in the closet.

A few days later my daughter asked me to paint her nails too. Back to the magic bag. I pulled it out, completed the task of giving my little girl a rainbow manicure (a different color on each finger) and gathered my courage. I pulled out the bottles that I knew had to go. Some had actually changed shades over the years, and many I haven’t worn since the first Bush was in office Sad. Sad. Sad. Over the whines of my little girl lamenting the exit of a particularly bright fuchsia shade, I tossed them into the trash. Mission accomplished.

I’m still fighting the tingling sensation, and to be honest, more bottles still need to go. But, I have to work in stages. Though I’ve made the decision to simplify, which includes getting rid of goopy nail polish and anything else in my house that needs to be reincarnated, I know this is a process. I’ll just have to work on it one nail polish bottle at a time.

And just so I know I’m not alone in this nail polish simplification, I’m issuing a challenge to all my nai polish hoarding sisters. Let’s keep track of how many nail polish bottles we get rid of. I just tossed 10 bottles. If you clean out your stash, please add it to this number. We’ll keep a running total. Let this be our first united step toward simplifying our lives. ‘Cause really, how many nail polishes do we need?

I know this whole idea of simplifying and flying in the face of suburbia seems radical. I’m sure many people will think we’re simply spoiled or bored. They won’t understand because suburbia is their dream. They love the bigger and bigger houses. The better and more expensive cars. The resort vacations once a year. The HGTV-approved home furnishings. The safety of working for a company that provides good health care, a retirement plan and a well-stocked break room. The…

Hey, wait a minute! All that doesn’t sound so bad, does it? So, what’s wrong with me?

It’s the fine print on all of those things. It’s the bigger house that takes f-o-r-e-v-e-r to clean. It’s the car that has payments and will be replaced in the market within one year’s time for something better and even more expensive. It’s the 3- to 7-day vacation that only comes once a year, if that. It’s the home décor styles that change so fast that as soon as your rooms look perfect, it’s time to start over. It’s the company that herds employees into small cubicles for 8, 10 or 12 hours a day. It’s the draining office politics, something even the best employers have. Ugh!

There’s got to be more! So, here we are. We’ve made the decision to simplify. Now what? We need a plan. Oh no, I feel a to-do list coming…

Rebel with a Cause

It’s amazing how Chris and I keep coming back to this idea of simplifying. I’m grateful that we’re reaching toward this goal together, as opposed to one of us dragging the other along. As much as we’ve tried to be content in our suburban life, there has been this desire to rebel against it that seems to be getting louder. We’ve never been rebels. Never! We didn’t even rebel as teenagers, a time when rebellion is forgiven, even expected. We were the responsible ones. We did what we believed to be right. We attended a good university. Joined clubs. Volunteered. Pursued careers. Got married. Enjoyed DINK-dom (double income, no kids). Bought a starter home. Sold that home. Bought a bigger home. Embraced our first child. Pursued new careers. Got more education. Welcomed our second child. And, basically, enjoyed all the beauties and tragedies that come with life. And yet, the further we go down this path, the more we question whether it’s truly right for our family.

I keep asking myself what I want from this journey toward simplification. The answer isn’t easy. I want time. I want my to-do list to go down to those things that truly matter. I want to stop maintaining things that mean nothing to me.  I want to enjoy an adventure with those most precious to me. I want to teach my children to take chances. I want to show them that that stuff is temporary but memories are forever. I want to teach them that they don’t have to be worker bees. They can pursue their dreams and callings. They can be their own bosses, and if they don’t like something in their lives, they’re the only ones who can change it.

Are we the only ones who feel this way? I don’t think so. I recently spoke to a friend, a 20-something at-home mother of two. She expressed the thoughts that I’ve had myself. “How did I get here?” Better yet, “how did we get here?” With time, she’s watched the adventurous part of her husband fade. She’s seen her own free spirit begin to die as she’s tried to embrace suburbia. I listened to her, and I understood. Boy, did I understand. Does she love her husband? Yes. Does she love her children? Of course. Does she love what suburbia is turning her into? Not really.

So where does that leave me, my friend and the rest of us who want to live life free from the restraints of suburbia? It leaves us needing to make a change. A change that I believe makes God smile. A change that says, “I’m going to stop going along with the crowd. I’m going to pursue what God has put in me.” So here we go.